Yes I am alive

Well we are alive and doing well. I just haven't had time to blog or busy doing other things, When Eve left we all struggled and yesterday would of made a year she had come into our home, She left on Sept 25th and now its Nov and I'm finally blogging about it,, so sorry. It was ROUGH one of the toughest things Ive ever had to do. Our caseworker came over at 3 and hung out I don't even think she left tell about 430 and it was when she thought I was ready. Mrs. Amazing and her cute little family came over has well for one more talent show (what we live for with Mrs.Amazing kids.) It was good and fun to watch the kids in this element has they are comfortable with each other. Our case worker watched it has well. I teased our case worker for weeks that I was going to need Pepsi and chocolate she brought me a 2 liter of Pepsi and a big bag of chocolate bless her heart, has we were saying goodbye Eve said bye to Jesse first and very tender moment he said we love you and if you ever need anything you can call us. and she lost control has I and Mrs. Amazing did and then cam just gave her a hug and said bye. I and Carley and Mrs. Amazing and Emika walked her out to the car and I told her I loved her and would miss her and to always know she has a place here and in my heart. She was a Mess I was a mess , Mrs . amazing was a mess but I was so thankful for her being here . Our case worker left here crying and that is a true moment.. I have talked to Eves mom and she is doing well I got a pic of her on Halloween and she looks amazing and is doing great she is in Dance and I did what I was suppose to has a foster mom to Eve. We miss her and are hoping we can go visit her soon and take her some stuff she left here.. SO we hope we can do that SOON..

We have not got another placement call but our keeping our fingers crossed. We have got shelter placement calls but have not taken them the first one was for a boy camrons age but also lives in the valley we live in so we decided NO we know the kid not a good Idea. and another one was for a 13year old boy and a 2 and 3 year old that we had no info on. I didn't take them cause I cant have a 13 year old boy with my daughters. So we are just patiently waiting .. I hope soon .. So only  time will tell .. so there is a little update and then later I will post family pics and that adventure later today. So far know one has called me to Sub today so I am off to clean my closet and bathroom .. hope you all have a great day :)

Friday is the day ;(

Well I have been full of emotion this week and am not sure how I am going to hold up on Friday.. I have been packing Eve's stuff making sure I have everything and I think I have. We will miss her deeply she is so funny .. She has asked me twice do I need to bring these totes back to you when I come and have a sleep over and I am like NO you can keep them. So for those of you who don't know Eve is leaving and she is leaving Friday. We will miss her She is going back to bio mom and dad and I feel good about it. I have seen them progress and do what the state has asked for them to be for them to be reunited I am exited but I am still sad. Here I have taken this little girl in my home and have loved her and taught her like my own its been good . She is really good kid and I love her. Mom and dad said we will maintain contact and will I am sure be seeing her again so I am happy that we have maintained a healthy relationship with them. Eve has mixed emotions about it all but I am sure she is ready to go but will miss us.  I will post more on this topic again after my emotions go down after Friday ..

School YIPPEE

I can not believe school has started and summer has come and gone.. This year I can not believe I have a middle scholar and YES she was freaking out,, I love her though and am so proud of her she is an amazing kid .. But she did come home and love it and decided she was not going going back to 5th grade.. This Year Camron is in 3rd grade and has MRS. McDonald I am so exited for him to have her. He so far has been doing super !! Eve is also in 3rd grade this year and has Mrs. Bartholomew here is the BAD NEWS though Eve is leaving to go back with mom and dad which we are also super exited and nervous about. She is ready to go back she had an over night visit and said she misses them. she has been such a joy and we are glad we have had a positive relationship with mom and dad to where we have made it where she can call us and come visit us any time so we are happy but also sad she will be leaving. she has grown so much here and was super exited for school and such to start. We will miss her the day is Sept 25th that she leaves I will foster again YES !! So we will be awaiting our next journey.. On to Emika Stella she is actually in Kindergarten again a full day and seems to be loving it again .. so here are pics

 She still wants to be just a princess

 I love her !!

 Camron has gone from cop to Sheriff

 she was waiting for Car to come out the door and she wants to be a firefighter

 she was a little nervous she wants to be a teacher or hair styles or a photographer

 Lol I had to do this one I did not cry but had alot of missed emotions for sure

 They were so ready to go

 By her afternoon door again Mrs.oliver

 Oh Camron he is a cheezer

well we were super NERVOUS I love her ,, Good luck kiddos in all your accomplishments this year the SKY is the Limit and I love you and am so proud of each of you Love mommy and daddy ... GO Sterling's 

Stella turned 6

I can not believe she is six. and what a joy she is to be in our family we love her sassy we love her attitude and her kind little heart and her spirt that is so strong. We had a Minnie Mouse party this time CUTE !!! so here are some pics of that

there ya have it baby girl turned SIX !!!

Yeah its been awhile

So with summer here it has been busy and I cant see we have accomlished alot but we have had fun and have enjoyed each other and some Awesome friends !! So June was busy we did go camping fathers day weekend it was fun to get up on that mountain. We had the 4th of July I love that holiday its my favorite I ran a 5K that weekend and took 5th there was only 7 opf us but I refused to come in last it was a good accomlishment for me I am runing another one in August I do belive. We have been hanging out at the Manti pool and just hang out with Mrs. Amazing and her super duper Cute kids I love them to pices and its always and adventure with them. We just had our annul commuiny party at the flat and we camped this year and had a tons of fun. So let me do a quickl run down on everyone.. lets go Youngest to oldest this time

Emika she will be 6 on the 10th of august she is sassy and I mean SASSY we would not have her any other way she is ready to do kindergartedn again and has just been enjoying summer she is not fond of fireworks but she has had a lot of fun this summer and we still have a few weeks left.

Eve well yes we still have her bad news is is she will be laeaving us the end of September possibbly, Court date is October 13th for parents and they are going to start unsupervised visits next week. I have missed emotions for sure and apart of me wants her to stay here and another part Is i am glad she has came into our life. and I hope she just takes what we taught her and that she will reamber us forever. We will see how much contact mom and dad let us have with her they really have come along ways and so has Eve . Our family will miss her dearly and will never be forgotten for sure. Will we foster again YES !! Was this worth it YES .

Camron oh yes the only boy and he hates it he has loved summer also and is ready for School to start. He is a bubble of energy and we sure do love him .. He wakes us up all to early but we seem to get threw the day.

Carely I am not ready for these teen years and she is only 11 but going on like 30 she is sassy and mouthy and I am like holy crap child. she is into boys a little to much and I am not looking forward to this part at all she has a little crush on Mrs. Amazings son and I am totally ok with it bad part is he is 4 years older but we love her and she is just more and more like me everyday OOPPS !!! She is getting a little more exited about heading to Middle school and we are glad I just cant belive how she has grown up !!!

Me well I have been doing good I had another ct scan done and every thing looks good so I am so far cancer free for 6 months thank goodness. I did not get the job I wanted at the middle school but I am hoping to get the other one if not I may just stay home or sub again just not sure yet , So i am good just been busy with kids and such and I am loveing being home with them during the summer .

Jesse he has been ok there has been a few things going on with him and he has to go to physcal thearpy so we are hoping that helps him. He is still at the coal mine. He is such an amazing husband and daddy and i love him so much for helping me threw our crazy life thanks baby

splash pad 

fathers day weekend 

lol from a distance this looked like a bear 

love him 

fathers day weekend 

canoeing 

Mrs. Amazing and our families pretty much crazy toghther 

this weekend

this was the highlight of our trip thanks baby 

A busy life

Well school is out and I can not be live it we have been so crazy busy with softball just a couple make up games this week for fun. We had lions tournament and it was great has always Carleys team did a great job and placed 2nd in lions. We were up against are other Gunnison team and it was a good game and our girls put up a good fight. Carley loves softball and did a great job this year I hope she keeps with it. Good Job sis !! Emika also played this year and did so good she didnt know what to think at first but did a great job the last couple tournament games she hit the ball and was so cute !! we are so proud of her !! We have been busy we still have Eve and from talking to the case worker we will still have her tell November it is looking like mom may get her back. We will just have to see the kids are still adjusting and  there are still moments that I wonder what we have got ourselves in to but its worth it it is a service act in our eyes. I still can not believe I will have a middle school er next year and a 3rd grader and Yes another year of Kindergarten I think this will be the best descion I made for her. So I have not blogged forever so lets just due a little run down real quick update!!

Jesse well he is Jesse and we love him we celebrated out 16 year wedding anniversary in May I can not believe it we have been toghtehr for 19years and I still re amber the day I met him it was the best day of my life. He is still working at the mine and it has its days for sure. We just wish he was on days so we can have him at night home with us, He was able to make it to a few softball games and he loves watching his kids grow into the little people they are. We love you baby so much.

Me well I have been super busy with kids between fostering and our own. it gets crazy busy!! I am loving summer so far there are days is all they want to do is fight. So basically I have been busy just running kids around and hanging out with my good friend I have blogged about her before Mrs. Amazing its always a great day when we are together!! I also just applied for a job I will let you all know later I just am hoping I get it . So wish me luck !!

Carley oh my I can not believe how this little girl has grown up !! I can not believe 6th grade . She dyed her hair blonde and I am still trying to get use to how grown up she is .. I love her she is such a big help around the house and helping with kids she can be a little spit fire at times and tryes to take on the mom role way to much . We are proud of her for all her accomplishments she did not miss 1 day of school all year either good Job Miss Dee

Camron wow I can not believe 3rd grade he is still a handful I don't think we would have him any other way though he can be so sweet and the a devil the next. We love him and are proud of him not sure what he will become . or what he will due. He loves wrestling but gives up to fast and I wish he would be more confident. I am sure he will play foot ball he seems to like it. he wanted to due baseball but with the 2 girls playing it makes it hard so maybe next year we will see. He also missed no days of school Good Job buddy !!

Oh Emika we just love the little person she is. she is funny, bossy and just crazy and defiantly the spoil est . We love her and are so proud of her we are so thankful for this little girl in our lives we could not ask for any better of kids. She is one of a kind for sure . I think when she gets older watch for her on Drill team she loves to dance .. we love you little girl !!

Eve well she is doing great she was nervous about not having school but seems to be adjusting to it now, We are not ones to just sit during the summer !! We are hoping for a campiing trip ASAP this month . Therapy is going good I personally thinks she likes going and visits are going great we are trying to get set dates for both and it seems to be working

SO there is a little bit of what has been going on

 we did go to the Payson open house what a beautiful sight and a good experience for the kids

 Free fishing day Mine party

 Championship games

 2nd place Good job girls !!!

he got one that night when we went again he was exited 

A big and hard decision

Well yesterday I got a call from the school about Emika. Has some of you know this is Emika is in Kindergarten she just turned 5 in August 2 weeks before school started. So I get this phone call saying you know Emika is not progressing and I think It may be a good idea to hold her back. One she is the youngest in the class so I bawled cause I kind of knew and had my doubts about putting her in kindergarten this early. So after alot of questions and alot of thought and prayer. I have decided to hold her back it is not easy but I feel she will progress this following year the only thing that has stopped me from a possible no is the friends she has here in Axtell are all in Kindergarten . I know she will make new friends has bubbly has she is. Its just hard to think about. I am sad in it all. I just need to do what is best for here learning and this grade is the easiest place to hold them back. So I hope she will do great and process things a lot better this following year. I need to talk to the principal about it today cause all in all it is our decision. So wish has luck!!

Visit

Visit went OK. Eve has been since then a little quiet. SO we will see how therapy helps her express it all tomorrow. I am sad that this has taken place again. I really hope for Eve's sake mom or grandma can get her back . But has for now we are enjoying her and she is so ready for school to get out. Time frame wise on her we are still not sure. We do know this we are licencing  this month which brings me back to I guess I better clean my house . and little things.

Dance has came to an end

Well dance recitals came  to an end last weekend all 3 girls did a FABULOUS job.. I am so proud of them all I have pics of Carley and Emika also Eve but Eve's Will not be on here due to security reasons just so you know. so here are pics

 Oh Stella we love her

 Miss Dee she is so cute! we love her to

 Emika and Mrs. Ashton we are so sad to see her go and we will miss her dearly this has been Emika teacher for a couple years and they have such a special bond. We have built an awesome friendship and we will miss her terribly. Emika got out of the car that night and was crying and I said what is wrong and she goes I already miss my Mrs. Ashton . We love you girl !!

 and them again

 Carley

 This was my favorite dance this year and Mekesha Thank you for making her more sassy then she already is LOL We love her !! We love Mekesha to you are great thanks for all the hard work you do. WE love you and look forward to a great year next year!!

Eve did a great her first year also and loved it good job girls one proud mamma !! 

Back to visits

Well got a call today form the case worker for Eve and I guess we are back to visits with mom. The therapist  totally against it so is the case worker but moms lawyer is wanting them back. So any how I get to drive 88 miles to and home tomorrow and its alot . So I talked to Eve today about it when I got home and she is scared to death so I had to reassure her that it will be OK. So for the most part I feel bad about it. We all really still do not know Eve's story cause she has been taught her whole entire life that its always top secret  and that we LIE all the time and the truth is not the truth. So any how I will let you all know how it goes tomorrow . I'm not to happy about it either.

oh my !!

Well its been crazy at our house and lets just say not the KIDS. Well any way . Camron comes home yesterday and says mom I think Tinkerbell (the cat) is back and I said Cam I don't think so . He goes well there is a lot of meowing over by the shed. I'm going to go see. I'm like no you need to clean your room first and the basement OK he says. He gets that all done and says mom I'm going out side so I said OK. So here is the conversation Cam. mom I think you better come out side . Me WHY? Cam . Mom that meowing noise is Cabella (our dog) had Puppies. Me . are you flipping kidding me. Oh boy ! Jesse I told you she was pregnant hes not nice about it. So needless to say I go outside and there are puppies in my dog run. I thought maybe she was pregnant and she was up and running with the kids yesterday morning and I seen her a couple of times but she did not bark when the kids got home so. yeah she was in the dog run. She had 8 one dyed so there is 7. They are all very cute. They have been very attached to her so I don't know how many male or females there is yet. Need less to say if any one wants a puppy they are FREE I have a friend who is getting first dips. But she wants Carely to pick it out and I think we have figured that one out. Am I keeping any I am not sure. I know Jesse hates dogs and got us the last one so we are kind of up in the air and not sure yet !!

How fostering effects our own children

So I know this is a a little different of a post. But I think it is something that some of us over look. and this is just from my experience with having just Eve in our home. I don't think people realize that it also effects our children.. Yes these foster kids come in and have more problems then what we say and we really do not know the extent of abuse these kiddos have been threw until we open our heart and minds to them. and they trust us and open up. Sometimes we will never know what these kids have been threw. So I want to focus on with this post how it has affected my kids. There is kids at school that (bully) and I am sick of it. And yesterday Carley was the target of it all saying that she is mean to Eve and Carely and Eve have there days by all means. We have taught and told are kids there will be kids that come and go. you just need to open your heart mind and just love these kids. Carely has done an amazing job with Eve and I am proud of her. I have told Eve that she can not let these kids treat her sister like that cause all in the end it is Carely who has opened up her heart and loved her and has also opened up her bedroom to her and her life. So these people and kids that are not in this foster circle do not get that. It just doesn't affect these kids that come in to our home it affects our whole family. So some may be asking why but your kids threw this and self. One we knew what to except when we took fostering classes and all that. Why do I do this? One this is a service act from Heavenly Father and I believe I was called to do this,.How do I know that ? Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways and I had number of answers to my prayers about this. This fostering children is very close to heart and my families heart. Why do I put my kids threw it ? Again it is a service act and families serve together  and who else would take these kids in. IS fostering worth it? Absolutely I love fostering Eve she is our first placement for the most part she does great gets a long with every one. Does she have her moments? YES what kid doesn't. So basically I just want you to know yes my kids struggle and especially Carley. Carely knows we love her and we love everyone that is what the Savior taught was to love one another and we do our best! I want people to know its just not about the kids we foster it also affects our own kids in the matter. I am so thankful for the people that I have met threw foster and how we have all become good friends I am so thankful for the person that let my child have a melt down yesterday (also a good friend from foster) We will call her Amazing. I want her to know How thankful I am for her and for coming into my life when she did. and for excepting Carley. For being my friend when I know I am losing my mind and for telling me you know its okay to cry its okay to throw a fit. Thank you Amazing you know who you are. You are the best and I have to say what you said yesterday . For those who are not in this foster circle please butt out. you have no idea. The way to help a foster parent In my opinion is to not only ask how is your foster doing but also how are you doing? how are your kids? can I help you with anything? Alot of the times has foster parents we need. A hug! For someone to tell us we are doing a great job just has mothers we need those things and basically that is all we need. Sorry if this makes no sense to some. I am just a Mom, a mom with tons of love and a mom who knows what my child goes threw. I want my kids to know how much I do love them and am so thankful for them and the love they show. Even when know one is watching. I want to thank my husband Jesse I love you babe and thanks for all you do !!

A little update on Eve

Well sorry I have not blogged much about Eve lately  this is our crazy time of year with Dance and stuff and I love it its just a little crazy at our house right now. So Eve is doing great she has had a couple medical issues that we are still trying to pin point. She has lost some weight being here she came to us 106 lbs and is now down to 84 which is good for her being that she is only 8 now she was not feeling to good Thursday and the school called and said she was not feeling to well so I went and got her and took her to the DR she had alot of impaction in her ear and they removed it she had a dizzy spell and then she also did it again Sat night so we are hoping that is all it is. I also think maybe some stress. She is on no visits with mom and mom is out of rehab right now and stationed where Eve came into state custody. Mom is very upset that she can not see Eve right now because of the progression in therapy she is not going to see mom until  maybe next month so we will see and that all depends on the therapist . which is wonderful I love our therapist she is so good with her and I am so thankful for her and the  support she gives me. SO that is all for now!!

What a great night !!

So Jesse and I decided last week hey Sawyer Brown is coming in concert and I am like we have to go! So I bought my tickets last week and verily good seats did not end up staying in them and all in all had a great night It was amazing. Jesse had been to see him before and I had not oh my best show ever and a tone of fun it was amazing. Seen lots of peeps we knew and we had a heck of a good time. We ended up down on the actual floor they really do but on a heck of a show and it was so FUN !! Thanks Jesse again for an amazing date .. I told Jesse this concert is defiantly one I will attend every year that he comes!!! It was a Blast ..Aaron Watson opened for him great singer !! it was great !!! This song was dedicated to Lane Frost and it was amazing brought tears to my eyes. Growing up around the Rodeo circuit this was a great song and wonderful dedication to those cowboys and cowgirls !! Also this one by Sawyer Brown reminds me of where I live now and the dirt road we travel every day !!! Thank you babe for a great night and living it up like old times and for being my husband. You are the best !! Jesse always seems to get the crowd stirred up and last night he did it .. I am so glad to be Jesse's Girl !!

Our Date

So Jesse and I was able to sneak an over night date and had lots of fun so here are some pics and what we did !! Thanks Jessica for Watching my kiddos

 In October of 1996 Jesse and I meet in the very spot. We meet at Wheeler Farm he gave into my life with open arms and today he is still my best friend I love you so much baby and appreciate all you do I am so glad you came into my life when You did although we still do have life challenges I love you truly thanks for standing by my side everyday I love you handsome

 The very dance floor we danced on to Kenny Chesney Me and You always babe

 Our fun new little toy it is so fun it was an awesome day with you sweet heart thanks

 hes so stink hot and sexy

and the end of our ride we got stuck. thank you to the guy who followed are tracks and helped us out. Thank you Jesse for a great day also Friday we went to dinner and to see fast and furious 7 and it was awesome just a little FYI he does not dye of lethal injection stupid you tube !! It was a great movie and a great date thanks babe and thanks again Jessica for watching my kids !!