Mixed emotions

Well to say the LEAST things were ruff the 8th at our house.. We happily In Jan and Feb let some little boys come into our loving home and we had 20 extra fingers, 2 extra hands and 20 feet , 20 toes and 2 REALLY BIG HEARTS and we let that all go, It was the hardest thing I ever have DONE. I opened my heart and my home and my cute kids to enjoy these boys, WE miss them LIKE crazy already. Broken was amazing and had such a sweet spirit.. He would laugh and giggle when we talked to him, He really came to our home BROKEN and left a VERY Happy boy. HE was a GOOD baby even when we first got him has much pain has he was in .. He was good. I miss his smile . I miss him saying mama and especially has he has a bubble in his mouth . I miss snuggles and i miss when he claps. My heart hurts and I pray everyday they are SAFE. That is all I want. I loved this boy like my own . He made me Happy . Now Im sad hes gone . I hope to maintain contact and to be able to see him but some text mom sends me makes me frustrated and wonder why, Im struggling finding if we should do this again I pray about it often and have answers but am still weary. Im trying to heal a broken heart and its not EASY . I also pray one day they will be back..

Sass made HUGE progress why here and I loved him like my own. He was a good kid and really just wanted to be loved and some attention . He will do great things . we miss him to terribly.. He was so exited to go home but he knew is mom and Broken only new me has his mom. We opened our lives to this and took on a lot .. But I wouldn't change it for the world.. We love these little people and just want the best for them..

So I have a lot of people ask will you do this again? Right now my heart needs to heal. I need to go into being a mom from 5 to 3 . I need to be a wife and mom right now for my little family. I do have answers to my prayers and I know what I am suppose to do I just need to heal mY broken heart .. Has for now we are on HOLD to the whole thing time will tell. I probably will re license

and HOPE Broken and Sass come back

My baby boys are leaving

Has a foster parent the last thing you want to hear Is kids are going home .. This week has been rough I ve had Broken since he was a month old I'm his mommy . I held him in pain when he came to my house . Ive rocked him and cuddled him to sleep between sleepless nights I am his Mom he is my joy he is Happy . I love him like my own . One of  the hardest things I will do next month is send him back home to his mom. I have questions I have thoughts I have separation anxiety not only for me but him.. Is he going to be safe? Will he re amber us? will he still love us? His mom going to take care of him ? I will miss him so much and Sass has broke some really tuff stuff .. I went into fostering wanting to help it had impacted my life so much I love these kids so much and Am thankful that I have a wonderful husband who loves me and supports me . I love you so much baby thanks for enjoying this ride with me thanks for my blessing the other night. I love the priesthoods and am so thankful for it in my life.. To these boys I will miss you so much and I love you so much , you will always have a place in my HEART and In my home . I will miss you terribly .. I want the best for you and I hope one day if it be the lords will you come back to us. TO my own kids I know this will be a struggle and it will be a hard thing. I m so proud of you guys for loving these boys so much . you are all true children of Heavenly father and he loves you so much and knows how much you care and love these little people we welcome into our home . Thank you friends and family for your love and support .. WE love you all ..

Ooh Child Original- The Five Stairsteps

May lots of stuff going

Well SCHOOL is OUT Wow crazyy.. So lets post pics first day and last day ..

 Emika First day of Kindergarten love her

 Her last day of kindergarten so sad she is on to 1st grade.. love this girl

 Cams first day of third grade he did so awesome this year and loved his teacher so much

 Last day of 3rd grade on to 4th day and this boy did NOT miss one day of school so proud of him

 oh I love this GIRL!!! !st day of 6th grade oh my baby is growing up.. Crazy life

and last day of 6th grade on to 7th here we come world 

Jesse had surgery the 26th and it was good .. so hes off work for a little while.. we are loving him home.. Broken and Sassy seem to be doing well just wanted to post 1st and last day pics then on to Baseball and softball next post 

My Love

Well today is our wedding anniversary I can not believe 17 years has gone by so fast.. I  love this man more then anything in the world. Has it been easy absolutely Not,, Worth it Yes.. Thank you Jesse for being by my side.. threw challenges threw happiness , hardships, trials , kids and this crazy thing we call life.. I love you so much  I loved you always.. me and you babe.. ALWAYS ..

Love this man so much 

My happy place *)

Litlle update and some pics

So where do we begin .. Well lets do oldest to youngest kids then update on Jesse and I .. SO Bio kids first .. Carley oh the love she is turning into a pre teen and WE do LOVE her .. Shes amazing Help with Broken we love her. I can not believe she will be in 7th grade .. Dance is over she did great and is amazing every year .. I love watching her even though I tell her she was off a couple beats.. She does amazing and I love that she makes friends a lot of these girls she has danced with since she was 3.. she is playing softball this year and has her 1st game tonight .. and im going to miss it cause Cam has his 1st game also tonight,, but we are going to make this season work,, with the help of Friends and family... Thanks Car for all your hard work we love ya sis..

Camron Well hes cam and will be in 4th grade it is just crazy. He is doing super good in school his reading is excellent and math we struggle but we get by. I have loved his Teacher this year she has been amazing . Cam wrestled this year and I think he will again hes awesome at practice but gets stage fright.. We love this little energetic boy.. He is playing Baseball a try he has begged me for 2 years now and I hope he will succeed .. we will see how he does tonight at game .. Love this little man ..

Emika Stella is great fun and loving and did I mention BOSSY have no idea where that one all game into play .. OOPS .. She danced and I just love her so much fun to watch she will definitely be our Drill team girl I hope drill is ready for her cause she is a SASS .. love her she is also playing ball and had her 1st game last night in Ephraim and hit the ball and then struck out.. good job Stella .. this girl has done so well and I would have to say after all the struggle of worrying about holding her back last year was totally worth it and she will be going into first grade with confidence.. Love this girl ...

Next lets talk about Sass well hes adjusting still has some struggles and is getting use to this house and hes very sensitive and always thinks every one is out to get him which I am sure his abuse. Visit days we act out a little more and a little more moody but I am a mean mom and dont but up with the crap. hes doing great in school and we are thinking we will prob have him tell about September maybe October. Therapy hes starting to open up a little and trust which is a big deal . when he came he thought everyone was bad and bad people and didn't know feelings happy sad mad angry he didn't know how he was feeling and why we have been working hard on this... and he is a cute kid just has some problems because of messed up parents .. makes me so MAD and Sad

Broken he is no longer Broken and doing well he is 4 mo and doing awesome he smiles laughs and is mostly happy except for when hungry or tired.. He fights sleep like no ones business .. He has not rolled over yet but scoots on his back .. he loves food bannans our his favorite . he is teething and I do not miss that at all.. He loves Carley and Jesse .. Jesse speaks to him in some native form and he jsut smiles like he totally gets it .. He loves touch now which is an awesome thing cause he hated it at first and now loves it.. He is a good cuddle and loves to be loved on and has the chunkiest cheeks a baby could ask for.. we love him so much and this will be a tough one to let go home right now I just love this baby boy he is so FUN .. Love ya chunk a monk ..

Jesse is doing ok work is a pain this new schedule is kicking our trash and we hate it.. He is having surgery May 26th and I will be glad hes off for a few weeks.. I love this man so much and am so glad I have him in my life this month is our anniversary 17 years he has put up with me.. and  I love him more and more everyday .. Thanks babe for listing to me and going threw this crazy journey we call life.. I love you sexy man ..

Has for me I am adjudicating I am exited for ball season I love watching my kids play and discover new things .. I am ready for summer so we can just hang out and be together .. I love being outside and someday I am more crazy then others and am just taking it day by day . Our jewelry  business has started and we are wanting to do some boutiques and make a little extra money .. mothers day orders went great and I am so thankful for every one that ordered THANKS .. ok lets do some pics

And i love these kids 

Jewelry Biz up and running

So I have done a couple of things and am playing with some Ideas so bear with me in all of this .. please feel free to give feed back also I just did and instagram account also so if you want to follow there I think it was jsts1357 I'm new to that one Sorry .. So let me show ya what I have so far... pics say it all :)

 Okay so this first one is a Hand Stamped mom Necklace and the tree then birthstones so the mom and necklace are $5.00 then the tree with Birthstones just depending on how many birth stones this necklace with all of it is $10.00 so but depending on charm and such you can  get with me on pricing and it will be a little more if needs to be shipped

 So this is one I am playing around with now this is the variety of trees that will work on the bangle bracelet so I'm thinking the tree I do have tiny fish we could possibly stamp a letter on and birthstones this is were I need opinions on what TREE ?? I'm open to ideas ..

this one is just a mom stamped necklace this one with the 3 birthstones is $5.00 to had an extra birthstone is $1.00 more and to had the charms is Extra sorry pricing is crazy so .. Let me know what ya all think and pass the word we will be possibly selling on Amazon and etsy and of course Ebay but it will be a little more for shipping and such.. Pass the word to all your friends and family .. and let me know what ya think .. Thanks everyone who has already ordered. and I do have a softball bangle bracelet just didn't have a pic of it on my camera .. thanks again ... 

February Run Down

So any way its been a min or two since I blogged lets Start with This (Broken ) has lost  the harness we went on Feb 25th to the Orthopedic and YES we are healed xrays looked Amazing he is a brand-new baby.. He has is cranky moments but I think is adjusting well .. We all just love him and cuddle him its great News ... Sass well he is Sass had his first therapy session and he is very angry and violent so we have to keep a close eye on that but he seems to be doing well he got sick last week and I was like really Night and day from my kids he cried and cried cause he was sick ,, those of you how know my kids we never know they are sick at all .. Needless to say he had Strep and he was mad I made him get a shot but with baby we tohught that was the best option.. He had a visit that day and Im still not that impressed with mom and dad they drive me CRAZY ... what do you do though I'm really struggling with these parents and I try and remain a positive relationship just for the kids and if there is reunification I would like to keep in touch but  this one is TUFF .. I come home every Wed and cry or am very angry ;(

Carley is doing great and such a big help.. Its nice when shes home she tends to broken and I can at least go take a shower or switch over laundry without having to stress ... Camron he is cam.. him and Sass get along okay and he loves Broken .. School is going well for both and I am so glad Car brought back up her grades.. Emika is doing Fabulous and she loves baby she is doing great ... She loves broken and for the most part gets a long with Sass she will But him in his place gotta love her.. Jesse and I are doing this shift Jesse is on his CRAZY and okay at the same time he is off a few more days which will be super nice during Summer and Farm season .. love him so much and am so thankful for his love and support we both celebrated our 37 year bdays I can not believe how time flies by.. I'M so thankful for everyone and there love and support and am so thankful for good friends and family .. So has of today I feel I have got the crap that has been going around I don't want it.. so am trying my best to rest and take my vitamins and do all that prevent stuff .. Broken has 2 month check up tomorrow so he will have shots and Sass has therapy again tomorrow I still need to get him in for a well child care check too maybe Dr will look at him also .. well there is a little of Feb

little update

So we are surving with a newborn at our house.. I went right back in to mom mode he does OK during the night the 1st week he was in so much pain and it was so sad and hard for him to move his little leg he would move it out of just of reflex but would scream. We did get brother on Friday and he is 6 and in 1st grade he is doing great we will call him Sass. He is a little sassy and I seen a total different side of him after our 1st visit. I had to have a little heart to heart on how we treat people. so It was not fun this case is driving me crazy and there is nothing I can do has a Foster parent and it SUCKS. Dad gets visits with Broken and he fussed most the time at the visit and when I walked in Dad was holding him Its so hard to see that the person that severely abused this child gets to hold him like REALLY .. makes me sad.. and who knows if they will even charge dad it just makes me so sad this poor little guy.. Good News is I took him again for more xrays and it is 75% better from the time we got him and he is starting to move his leg a little better so that makes me so happy he is a happy little guys eats a ton.. so that is update on baby we go to the Orthopedic on the 25th and we are hoping for 100% healed so we can lose the Harness ;) OK let me tell you a little more about Sass!! He is hungry all the time I fed him and he says mom when is dinner or I'm hungry so I wonder if we have some kind of food issue so we will keep watching I still need to make Dr apt for him and do a therapy and dentist so needless to say we did get him a haircut and he is going to Wrestle so YEAH it should be good he gets along OK with the kids he fits right in so that always makes me happy .. Jesse does not know what to think sometimes but I love helping these kids and believe I was called to do this.. I have a lot of people ask how are you going to let this baby go and i just say my job now is to get Broken better and love him and I can grief later .. my job right now is to be his mommy and he does not need to feel me grief of losing him. Sass we will probably have 90 days then we will start a trial home placement with mom and then Broken probably 180 days.. So for now we just love him and Sass.. thanks to my friends and family for all your love and support and my wonderful Ward family you all are truly amazing .. and I appreciate and love you all

Broken

Good little guy got here around 8 pm on Saturday night had a great night he went to bed at about 1030 and woke up at 530 am so .. Good little baby.. He does get a little uncomfy at times cause of his break he is in a harness makes diaper changing lots of fun.. all in all this case will go back eventually which makes me super sad dad is only 19 they go to court Tues and are petintionig for older brother to also be removed and I'm sure we will also take him in also.. so we will know more this week about that . going to take him to Dr today for a follow up visit so hope all is healing well.. love the little guy already this will be a very difficult let go. But this is why I do it I want the best for these kids and will give them love why they are here and miss them when there gone.. Baby sleeping now going to get busy doing some house work thanks everyone for your love and support

Well

Well our 2nd placement is hopefully on his way .. We are going to call him Broken clearly a blog Name .. so I got the call last night at about this time and they were waiting for a warrant to be signed . I will be having the same case worker (YIPPEE) .. He is a 1month old baby boy with a broken leg. Case is kind of Crazy,, I was on my way to get him today from the hospital and hit a massive snow storm so CPS said they would just bring,, I am super nervous Exited and getting impatient with waiting he was suppose to come last night but Cps got to the hospital and they weren't able to release him so here we patiently wait got a text from Cps saying they were just waiting to be released little guy will be on some strong medicine and I will not be subbing much any more in fact not at all this week I am going to stay home with the little one.. so needless to say I'm freaking out wish me good luck :0